Relationship OCD (ROCD) and the Holidays: Your Survival Guide

Are you secretly dreading the holidays?

Does it seem like everyone else is excited for the cozy nights, the family gatherings, the gift-giving... but on the inside, you're terrified?

Maybe you're dreading the pressure of the 'perfect' family photo where you have to look happy and in love. You're dreading the question from your aunt: 'When are you two getting married?'

You're dreading New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight and you're supposed to have a magical kiss, but all you can hear is your brain screaming, 'Is this right? Am I making a mistake?'

If this is you, I want you to take a breath. You are not alone, and you are not broken. 

Let's talk about why the holidays are a pressure cooker for Relationship OCD, and give you a real strategy to not just survive them, but to actually live them.

THE PROBLEM: FALSE HOLIDAY EXPECTATIONS

ROCD thrives on flaws, or the gap between expectation and reality. And there is no bigger gap between reality and picture-perfect than during the holidays.

We are sold a fantasy—the 'Hallmark Movie' version of love. It’s filled with spontaneous moments of perfect connection, deep certainty, and effortless romance.

When our reality doesn't match that fantasy—because we feel anxious, or numb, or just... normal—ROCD screams, 'See! I told you something was wrong!'

The holidays become a giant, month-long trigger for three key reasons:

1. Expectations: Every event—from decorating the tree to Christmas dinner—comes with an unwritten rule about what it’s supposed to look like or how you're supposed to feel. When you don't feel it, OCD marks it as a failed test.
2. Social Proof: You're surrounded by family and friends who seem so calm, seeing other couples look happy and flirting, and you feel like your relationship is on display. The pressure to also be happy and look in love is immense. Especially when you’re NOT feeling it.
3. The Future: The end of the year brings a natural pressure to evaluate. 'Is this the person I want to spend next year with?' This question becomes a deafening obsession."

I get it! When ROCD was at it’s worst for me, I had to face Christmas, my birthday, and my husband's birthday, all in the same month! Not to mention Thanksgiving and New Year’s. It was A LOT!!

THE SOLUTION: YOUR HOLIDAY SURVIVAL PLAN

So how do we navigate this? We can't just cancel or avoid the holidays. Instead, we need a new game plan. Here are three practical strategies you can start using today.

Strategy #1: Name and Drop 'The Holiday Script'. The 'Hallmark Movie' fantasy is a script. That's all it is. It's not real. Your first job is to recognize when you're trying to follow it. The moment you notice yourself thinking, 'I should be feeling more romantic right now,' I want you to say to yourself, 'Ah, there's The Holiday Script again.' Name it. See it for what it is—an external pressure, not reality. Then, gently, drop the script.

Strategy #2: Focus on Actions, Not Feelings. You cannot fully control how you feel. But you can control what you do, which will ultimately have an influence on if you feel better or now. So, stop monitoring your feelings and start focusing on your actions. Instead of asking, 'Do I feel in love right now?' ask, 'What is a loving action I can take right now?' Maybe it's helping your partner with the dishes. Maybe it's suggesting you watch their favorite holiday movie. Maybe it's just being present in a conversation. Anchor yourself in what you DO, not how you FEEL. Your values are in your actions.

Strategy #3: Allow What Is. Trying to direct your life to play out exactly how you want it to is exhausting, and impossible! You’ll constantly be disappointed. Instead, allow every day, moment, and second to be exactly what it is. Messy, boring, annoying, and even neutral. Acceptance of what is will help you build tolerance of these moments, allowing you to just BE. Then, when the happier or more joyful moments do arise, you’ll be able to appreciate them more.

And if you want these strategies (and more) in one simple checklist, download it here.

THE REFRAME: THE REAL GOAL OF THE HOLIDAYS

This is the most important part—the goal is not to have a 'perfect, anxiety-free' holiday. The goal is to be present in each moment. The good, the bad and the boring.

The goal is to stop letting fear and discomfort dictate your behavior. Practice showing up in your life and your relationship, even when the anxiety is there. The win is choosing to hold your partner's hand while you feel uncomfortable. The win is baking cookies together while your brain is being noisy.

THIS is how you build tolerance, and how you train your brain to let go of the fear and doubt, which will build comfort, in time. Funny enough, the MORE I did this, even when it felt fake and uncomfortable, the better I felt. The more comfortable I was in each and every moment.

This holiday season, your feelings and courage isn't measured by a feeling. It's measured by your choice to stay present, to act on your values, and to keep choosing love, right in the middle of the storm.

NEED HELP?

These strategies above will help you manage any holiday - birthdays, Christmas, Haunikah. But if you're tired of just 'managing' and you want a long-term strategy to heal the root of ROCD, then this is the work we do every single day inside The Path to Love.

It's about learning the tools to stop the OCD cycle for good, and getting support while you do tha hard work, so you can be the author of your own love story.

You deserve to enjoy your life, not just survive it!